13 Months Today

My dear Sophie,

This has been a challenging month for you. You have felt really really sick. You have been incredibly chipper despite all that was happening inside your little body. So chipper that we almost didn't catch what was going on. But you were giving us signs. You would cry when you had your diaper changed, you didn't want to be held by new people, you weren't hungry, you weren't able to sleep. We thought that you were going through a new stage, but you weren't, you were just trying to tell us that you felt uncomfortable. I'm sorry that it took us so long.

You were so brave at the hospital, when so many people were poking and prodding you with tests and needles. You were indeed my lionheart, living up to your name once more. I was so proud of you, and how strong you were. We took pictures so that one day if you are not feeling strong you will be able to see how brave you were, even as just a little baby. You have bravery deep inside. You will not remember it, but I will always.

Since you have been feeling better I feel as though you have exploded with new life and new skills. When I hear your angel voice speak the word "mama" my heart melts in an instant. I had been waiting and looking forward to hearing that word since I first held you as a little bundle in my arms. Although I have to admit that you have made me smile whenever I have said "Mama" and you, with a twinkle in your eye, would look up with a grin and say, clear as day, "Dada".

I almost forgot how happy and joyful you are. Now that you are better it is so rare to hear a cry escape your lips. You happily will play with new people, and you are so very content. You will offer a smile to anyone you pass (even strangers on the street). It does my heart good to see you well again.

This has been a month of change. You have changed from a baby into a toddler. The world is now yours to explore, and I delight in watching to take on the world. Discovering how things work, interested in everything, always moving. I delight in your every movement. It is an honour to watch you crawl, pull up, play with toys, to watch you learn new things. You are imitating so many sounds and gestures. Yesterday when you imitated us saying "shhhh", the sound that escaped your lips was the most precious sound I have heard. You made us laugh when you picked out your baby Einstein DVD from all the DVDs on the shelf and passed it to me. It was almost as if you were saying "When I was sick I got to watch this, in case you forgot, I'd like to watch it some more!"

The night before we were admitted in the hospital you were biting while nursing, and I would firmly say "no biting' and you would cry. When the doctor explained that you were too weak to nurse, and your breathing was making it difficult to latch, I felt sick in my stomach. I didn't understand what you were trying to tell me. I wish desperately that I knew, but I didn't, and I am so sorry. It still brings tears to my eyes. I was worried that breastfeeding was finished, and I didn't want it to end in that way. But you are so strong. As soon as you got your strength back up, you bounced right back and started nursing like a champ. For that I am so thankful.

I am so thankful to be able to be your mom. Out of all of the babies in the whole world, we could not have asked for anyone more perfect to walk into our lives. 13 months ago at this time we were waiting for you to come out. We had no idea just how one little star was going to light up our whole world.

I love you so much.
Mama