Don't Worry, Be Happy

Well we're moving in the right direction. I feel scared to even write that, as I'm still in a constant state of fear that this illness will morph into yet another manifestation. But I'm going to be positive. Last night Sophie had a great night. She slept through the night, and this morning she has been playing with her toys. She's even started eating a bit. Her diapers have still been on the dry side, and it's been work getting any fluids (other than bm) into her, but we're still working on it. This morning Sophie was tugging at her ears, and I broke into an incredible panic that she another set of ear infections. Brett and I talked about it, (as I wanted to race immediately to a walk-in-clinic) and decided that we'll see how tonight goes, and if she has a rough night, then we'll get her checked out tomorrow morning.

I have been overcome with anxiety throughout this bout of croup. It's clear to me that it's linked to the hospital stay two weeks ago, and I felt that if I'd been more proactive it could have been avoided.

Here's the list:
-Soph couldn't breathe well and couldn't tell us (especially day one when her breathing was so laboured. I thought we should have gone back to the hospital for them to check her breathing)
-dehydration (dry diapers and refusing ALL liquids other than bm)
-weight loss (of our already wee thing...from not eating)
-ear infections (this is a new one today...tugging at ears...same congestion as last time)
-not eating (how can you get better if you don't eat?)
-still tired not as much energy (which I realize could very well be from not eating)
-a weak immune system (that Sophie will continue to get these illnesses over and over again)
-undiagnosed asthma (that will have us in and out of dr's offices and ER until it's figured out)

Pretty exausting list huh?? It's absolutely exausting to spend so much time worrying. And if you can believe it, I'm not usually a worrier. That is, until I became a parent. Such an awesome responsibility in in our hands. As I read over this list I can rationally tell you I've been reassured by our dr. that most of these problems are not an issue. But I still manage to find a way to worry about it (ex. our ped. checked her ears on Fri a.m. I worry that her cold has progressed and she could have developed ear infections over the weekend).

So, you know what? I'm checking all of these worries right here in this post. I'm taking the rest of the day off from worry. I'll finish worrying about them tomorrow. I'm sure they'll still be there, and if they're not--then wonderful, that's one less thing to worry about. I'm going to spend the rest of the day feeling comforted and enjoying the fact that my girl is happier, more herself and is starting to feel better.
Ahhhh--it feels so good already.