Mother-Guilt

I've been feeling guilty about a lot of things lately, so I thought I would write it out. I apologize if this post is more therapy than Sophie-update, but it's what's on my brain right now.

Anyway, I get given this incredible gift and honour of raising a human being, and sometimes it just feels so terrifying. I don't want to mess it up, mess her up. I want to give her the moon, and sometimes all I can focus on is what I'm not giving her. It feels so scary sometimes.

Okay, get ready, here's the guilt list- I feel guilty...

I'm not playing with her enough. That I don't vary the toys that I give to her. That she's not having enough tummy time. That I don't bathe her enough. That she has dry skin on her head. That I don't sing to her enough. That she sits in her chair too much. That I'm nursing her to sleep. That I take her in the stroller too much (because I'm not holding all that time and that it's more for me than her)That I let her fuss too long to try and frantically finish the job at hand (I find to so hard to find the balance between focusing on her and getting things done. Where's the balance??). That I still want 'me' time. That I don't 'wear' her in the snuggly enough. That she's going to have a flat head. That I don't make her smile and laugh enough. That her neurotic mom is going to mess her up by worrying and feeling guilty all the time!!

When I read over this list I really sound like a headcase. I don't feel like one...but maybe I am. I don't know if other mothers feel this way, or if it's just me. People don't talk about the guilt if they do.

I do feel like I am doing lots right too. We are loving her, loving her, loving her. Giving her safety and security - I know that far outreaches any toys, strollers, or tummy time. I know that. I'm not going that far off the deep end...yet--hee hee. But I want to give her the moon. The stars and the nightsky. Everything that I have and then some.

That's my piece. There it is.