Warning--a 'pity-party post'. Continue at your own risk.
It's been a challenging day. Sophie's sleep has continued to challenge us. On Wednesday night we decided to stop (yet again) having Sophie 'cry it out'. Since then her sleep has drastically gone downhill. Without delving into obsessive details, each day and night it seems to get worse and worse. I feel like we're totally 'failing' in that department. I feel like "everyone else" has it together, or has sleep systems or strategies in place, except us. I feel like we are just surviving by the hair on our chinny chin chins. I feel like Sophie is the one suffering because of our ineptitude (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly, most likely not, but I can't get the spell check to work). I wish that someone could give me the 'answer' to this sleep stuff, and I would do it. I would do anything. Anyway--I'm not sure which is better, listening to your kid scream for 2 1/2 months straight, or not hearing her cry, but trying to get her to sleep for multiple hours each sleep, each day. Another warning, when I'm tired, my perspective goes out the window. If Soph was to have a good night tonight, then things would be looking drastically different.
We had a wonderful weekend with G and Aunt Tatey. It makes such a difference to be surrounded by family. It was so so so so nice. But weekends end, and that for me is always really hard. That probably added to this bummer of a Monday.
As I mentioned in a previous post, Sophie has stopped eating pureed food. Which, I've read does happen. But today, she wasn't wanting really to eat any food. I really don't want this to become a power struggle, as I've seen with multiple kids in my class, but I can now totally see how and why it could become one. I'm just going to try and release control. Try and trust that Sophie knows what she needs. It's easier said than done. I had a great chat with my sister tonight and she reminded me that now that she the 'all night buffet' has re-opened, her appetite during the day will be affected. Ahhhhh, the complexities of these little creatures.
My eye has continued to heal, and now instead of stinging/hurting, it is just itchy. I'm still worried about Sophie getting it, so I'm washing my hands and changing my clothes a lot. So far, so good. But, I'm sick of it and wanting it to be all better now.
I think that Sophie may have had a mild food reaction to dairy. We gave her cheese for the first time (and dairy for the first time) this weekend. Her chin got all splotchy almost immediately afterwards. I waited until later the following day and tried it again, and the same thing happened. We are going to wait until her paediatrician appointment in November until we try any more dairy. Let's keep our fingers crossed that it turns out to be nothing.
Anyway, I adore my child. She has added so much joy to my world--it's impossible to articulate. And because of this, you just want to do everything 'right'. Give your kid the best possible life. Make them the happiest, healthiest kid possible. In reality, there are moments when I feel so out of control, and so tired, and so lost for answers. I feel like everyone around me has all the answers, and everything is working so smoothly. I can rationally understand that this is not true--that all parents have their struggles and hard times, but when I feel in a challenging place I feel like nobody else is there.
Tomorrow is a new day. In fact, today is a new day. I am so thankful for the beautifully vibrant and healthy daughter - we have been so blessed. There are so many people around me that are going through incredibly challenging times right now, and so I re-read this post and think 'SUCK IT UP'. These are GOOD and NORMAL problems for a baby to have.
I am going to feel a tad sheepish tomorrow morning when I re-read this post that I've written at the most tired end of the day. Part of me wants to erase it and re-write a jovial post about a goofy and funny incident from our day. There were wonderful parts of today--like tickling Sophie on our bed and watching her wiggle and giggle, having a little cry and then having Sophie lean forward and give me two kisses, playing guitar and singing with Sophie in the toy room. There have been lots of smiles and laughter today. It's not black and white. I think it's important to write a post that makes people question perhaps if I may have a slight mental illness. Which are you, happy or sad?? Make up your mind!! Nope...just tired. I wish I could remember details about the results from those sketchy sleep studies from the 70s. Some days I feel like I'm in one.
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5 comments:
Kai has had a bad cold this week and has been crying all night so I have had a taste of what your life is like and I can say one thing for sure, you are amazing if you are singing with the guitar on days like this! If you don't mind me asking you Karen, How long does she sleep for??? Does she sleep better if you have her with you??
Anyway, I can relate on my own topics with Kai. He is two and still wants to eat pureed food!! He is two and is still afraid of going in the church nursery. There are times I think he is going to be
Thanks for your honest post.
Thank you so much for your thoughts--we all have our challenges don't we...and they continue to grow and change as our wee ones grow.
As for how long she sleeps for--that varies--last night she would wake up every two hours. But this morning she woke up with a cold--who knows if it's because of not sleeping and not eating, or if that's why she wasn't sleeping or eating!!!! Who knows!! As for sleeping with us--that's where we started (for the first six months of her life) and I am extremely hesitant to go back to that place....but maybe that would help...who knows!!
I didn't let Kai in bed with us. It was in my idea a big no no.Now looking back ( on my two years of wisdom-lol!) I have come to the conclusion that nothing really is a big deal. If you and Soph sleep better together for a period of time then do it! Do it without guilt! Nothing lasts forever. What is really important is that you both get what you need-a good sleep! Trust yourself to do what is best for your family. I used to feel bad that we didn't force kai into staying in the church nursery alone to just deal with it. The few times I did (on the advice of other mothers who said it would be good for him) I felt it was just not right for him to get so upset and panicky. Why put him through that just because other kids have mastered it? He has mastered tons of things others have not at his age like basic reading and counting by tens! Now I sit with him and make no apologies that he needs me in this area. And when he is ready it will just happen. He won't have emotional bruises along the way I will be the only one with bruises _that of my mother ego! LOL!! You know what I'm saying??
We didn't have a problem at all with co-sleeping--like I said we did it for a long time. The reason we stopped was because it stopped working for Sophie--she was up for multiple hours a night wanting to 'play' with us.
Okay, gotcha! She sounds like a super social kid. Karen, You are just too fun!!
P.S congrats about making the cut!
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